I will be 30 years old next month. I have been looking forward to this birthday for a long time. And even more so now that I am living my most authentic, true life.
I spent the last decade trying to convince myself that I was a man. I was 19 years old when I decided that I was going to transition.
I had TWO therapy sessions before I started hormones, which at the time, was completely okay with me. I was ready to rush right through the process of transitioning because all I cared about was finally passing as male. And that was the biggest disservice I’ve ever done to myself.
I don’t believe I ever truly had “Gender Identity Disorder”. I was never comfortable in my skin as a woman before transitioning. Society said I needed to be XYZ in order to be a woman, and I was none of those things.
So transitioning felt right and nobody could have told me a thing about it. I changed my legal name and gender 10 months after I started T, and had top surgery 2 months after that.
Then for the next 10 years, I struggled with depression, anxiety, and actual gender dysphoria. Something I never truly understood, until I tried to be the man I wasn’t.
So 9 months ago, I stopped taking my hormones for good, and have since started the process of detransitioning. And let me tell you, it’s truly the best decision I’ve ever made for myself.
I missed the woman I never got to be, but then I realized that she was staring in the mirror at me all along. My name is Bray, and I am SHE.