We’re starting to post stories again! Thank you everyone who sent us messages during our break, it was so nice to receive all this support.
Today we’d like to share the story of an anonymous detransitioner. Reconciling takes time and we wish her all the best in that process. The Detransition Advocacy Network offers free services for those who experience detransition-related difficulties. Contact firstname.lastname@example.org if you need support.
I felt like I was too ugly and socially awkward to ever be a female. I thought that me being a female was a disgusting thing and I was so ashamed of it. Transition was a way to escape that shame. I was more attractive as a male, and I felt less disgusted by my attraction to women. Me being male made sense in a way--I had masculine interests, I looked masculine, I was attracted to women.
I realized only after a while that transition wasn't the solution. I still felt ashamed of my attraction to women, but now in a different way. I felt predatory. I started feeling like a threat. I felt like a predatory lesbian before too, but my maleness made it worse. The harassment didn't stop. Now I wasn't too masculine anymore, but to feminine. I wish I could say detransition made me feel better but it really didn't. I feel ashamed of what I did. I feel like I completely destroyed my own body. I looked masculine for a women before but I passed as a woman. I don't look like a woman at all anymore and I don't sound like one either. I feel so much more ugly and so much more worthless. I ruined all the relationships that I had because I truly thought transitioning would make me happy, would make me right, and everyone who got in the way of that was also getting in the way of happiness so I had to cut them out.
The worst part is that I did this to myself. I don't have anyone else to blame. And that is really hard to live with.