We are impressed by the story Desmond shared with us. It requires so much strength to listen to yourself the way she did. We are wishing her to finally feel happier as a butch lesbian.
I'm a 25 year old butch lesbian. I was socially out as a trans man for 6 years and medically transitioned for 3 years. I suffer from depression, ptsd, dysphoria, and borderline as to which helped push my transition.
I was abused and raped by my first girlfriend after accepting I was a lesbian. I experienced homophobia from my family when I was younger. I experienced sexual harassment from men as well. It caused the dysphoria to manifest and I couldn't handle the abuse and homophobia so I found a way to cope with it the best I could.
I found the trans community as my outlet. It wasn't long before I was wrapped in and seemed to find a way to escape everything. After everything that happened, I didn't want to be a woman or lesbian any longer and wanted to escape those terms and become a new person.
When I went to see the doctor and therapists, it took one appointment to get the okay from them and I was on hormones within the month. I thought everything would be okay then until I realized that I wasn't getting happier on the hormones. The hormones caused me to get a hysterectomy. Caused high blood pressure. It was harming me more than helping.
I was so focused on passing that I was stressed out about it too. I wasn't doing this for me anymore. I was trying to prove to others I was a man more than anything else. I realized I could never actually be male and I couldn't try to escape any more. The escape was over.
I stopped hormones and got back on estrogen. After a year of thinking over my detransition process I finally did it. Now I'm reclaiming lesbian and butch and growing back into being the lesbian woman I always was.