Content warning: Sexual abuse
When I was 14 I started dating my first real boyfriend. He quickly became very disrespectful of my boundaries, groping me and saying things I was very embarrassed by. This turned into a couple situations of blatant molestation. I was already more masculine than most girls my age and that paired with being violated had me thinking I was never meant to be a girl. I’d developed a hatred and fear of my body. I’d disassociated from it in a way. I started binding and presenting male. Within a few months of breaking up, I began to realize everything I’d done was wrong.
Binding, cutting my hair, coming out, etc. It wasn’t right. Then came embarrassment and fear. I gradually detransitioned, and felt so horrible about everything. I still hadn’t admitted to anyone that I’d been molested. It took a few years to accept what happened to me. I’m still learning to love myself, and accept my body with the damage I did to it. I’m 19 now and barely coming to terms with it. If you’re transitioning because of sexual trauma, please, take a step back and talk to someone. There is always someone who’ll listen and help you. Be careful and stay safe.