My name is Krysta Elora. My trans name was Christian Elijah. I am 36 yrs old from New Jersey. I had transitioned for 10 years, and have been detransitioning for about 3+ yrs now. The first time I ever even heard of the word transgender was at the age of 22. But I didn't want to physically transition yet.
I first took a year to meditate on it, transitioning from the inside out, as I put my spirituality before anything else. All I kept seeing was light. It seemed like my spirit was okay with this. the following year I binded and eventually took T shots. But the day of my first T appointment, I felt weird. I felt a literal part of me leaving. It felt sad and uncomfortable. I automatically knew it was my feminine self leaving.
As the years went by, I was passing really well. Especially since I was already so masculine. My voice was "radio show host" deep, my beard came in pretty nice, yet I was still not happy until I got my surgery, so I thought. And in 2017, I went out to California on a soul calling. Out of the 9 months I was there, I was homeless in Hollywood for 6 months. At this time I would easily find an LGBTQ clinic that told me I could get my surgery for free, along with getting my name change for free. So I found my way to the downtown office.
The view was beautiful, the opportunity was there and the room was quiet. Then I heard in my mind, "please don't get rid of me. please don't let me go." I was dumbstruck! This was my feminine/childhood self coming to me at once! Speaking back to them- "Seriously? Where the hell have you guys been? I've waited YEARS for this, and you're just now coming around?" I took a few deep breaths and had to remember that I couldn't blame them, I had pushed my feminine self and childhood self away. I looked up at this view one more time, just to soak it all in and sighed it all out.
Though I finished my paper work, months later, I came back to New Jersey, having that on my mind. I was depressed and feeling every feeling in the book until I became overloaded and numb. One night, I had a vision, that I was dressed 100% feminine. I never thought I would ever choose to be a woman. But my spirituality came first! I needed to explore this vision. Then in 2020- 2021, I was getting dressed to go out. I lifted up my binder and said, "what the hell am I doin?" None of this makes any real sense!
So I decided to heal deeper, and accept my womanhood. And here I am now!
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