I identified as trans for a little over a year after starting high school, around 2014/2015. I wasn't necessarily a very tomboyish girl, nor had I ever been that interested in becoming a boy throughout my childhood up to that point. It wasn’t until high school started and I began to meet people who had discovered gender ideology through social media, that I began to ponder my own gender identity.
There were a few contributing factors that led to me eventually taking on a trans identity, the first being that I was already struggling with body image issues. I was very insecure about the way I looked and overly focused on how others perceived my appearance, as many young girls are. On top of this, at home I had a single mother who struggled with drug use and was continuously in unhealthy relationships with guys, leading me to associate womanhood with something not only dangerous, but also degrading.
I also felt that in society there was no way for women to actually live meaningful lives. I felt that the “sexually empowered” modern feminist narrative of being a woman in the world, was not only not freeing or something to look up to, but that it meant the only value I could have as a woman was to become a slave to mens unhealthy sexual desires.
It wasn’t until I realised there was no agreed upon definition of a trans person, and furthermore no scientific background for any of the claims trans people make about their identities, that I was able to take a step back and realise I had been sold a lie. I felt as if my whole worldview collapsed, and I could no longer know what was true or false, it felt like coming out of a cult. I went through many different phases trying to reorient myself in the world, from being a gender critical lesbian, to a radical feminist, it wasn’t until I discovered Christianity and faith, that I was able to truly begin to heal and regain my footing in reality.
I no longer believe in gender ideology, and I no longer believe I'm defined by the world around me nor by different political or social trends. I don't feel that I'm doomed to a life where my only value in the world is based on how “sexually empowered” I am, or by how politically correct and pure my thoughts and opinions are. But I now know the truth, that I am a whole person made in God's image, someone 3 dimensional, and someone made for more than what I had been convinced I was destined to become.
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