Content warning: Suicide
I grew up in a city in southern Germany. My childhood was great until I joined a GNC*-phobic and later homophobic school in my early teen years. I became anorexic, later depressive and suicidal. My mother had hypothyroidism, she was depressed and emotionally abusive. By age 16 I went to the youth care and moved out. Two schools later I quit school and lived on the streets in Europe for a year. There I met a trans guy and I thought all those trans ideas would just solve every problem I had. So I started an apprenticeship and planned my transition. I took T for 3 years, had a mastectomy and changed my legal name. I did my technical diploma and started studying in another town. Due to mastectomy I have constant pain and I regret doing it. I don’t think the talk with the doctor about the risks of surgery was informative.
My emotions were suppressed by T, I realized that after moving to the new town. I realized I was not happy. So I stopped T, tried to face my internalized lesbophobia and I am now trying to change my legal name back. I started a small YouTube channel to talk about detransition and what made me believe I was trans. I think it’s important that more GNC* people talk about their experiences in everyday life and that it does not automatically mean they’re trans. I learned a lot during transition and hopefully I will now have a better network of people for everyday and other obstacles I’ll face.
*Gender nonconforming
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