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Content warning: Blood/injury

I'm 30 years old. In total I spent around 6 years on T. For a short while I was so happy with the results. But it didn't last. T made me really hairy (like bigfoot hairy) and acne prone. I hated the bottom growth (still do). And I hated how... emotionless it made me feel.

I got a hysterectomy in 2018 because T had caused severe uterus and vaginal atrophy and pain. I bled so much after the hysterectomy I nearly died. It was traumatic.

I stopped T shortly after. I was depressed and terrified. I was overcome by grief and fear and couldn't come to terms with what the Fuck had I done and what had happened.

No doctor would listen to me when I said I'd like to start female HRT to replace what I'd cut out. I spent January 2018 through to November 2019 without any gender hormones, synthetic or not.

In the middle of that I got a mastectomy. I really thought it'd help. It hasn't. I experience pain in the scars. I do like how it looks but... I do wonder if I'd just kept trying and gotten therapy if I'd have liked my breasts.

Regardless, I found the detrans community in early 2019. They helped me to say the right things to get doctors to listen. Pointed me in the direction of an Endo who had treated detrans folk too. She put me on Estrogen again in Nov 2019.

It's taken me over a year of self reflection and therapy to really start to unpack what happened in those years and realize why I had wanted to transition to begin with.

I'll never be that young woman I once was again. Not really. I look like a man. I'm tall and hairy all over and speak in a lower register. I have a bald patch on my crown and a receded hairline. But for the first time in my entire life I'm being taught and learning to love myself for exactly who I am.

I've made mistakes, sure, but I'm a proud detransitioned, very-butch lesbian. And I've never been happier to be part of a community as I am about the detrans one. Even if sometimes I don't see eye to eye with some members.

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