I am 36 years old. I am female, and heterosexual. From the age of 16, I identified myself as a gay man. I did not respect other people's boundaries, or right to sexual self-determination, for example, I manipulated my way into joining a gay male only organization.
Eventually I got sick of living a lie. When I detransitioned, I was isolated and did not know how to help myself. I had spent the better part of a decade forcing friends and family to "support my transition" and cutting people out of my life who refused to play by my rules.
I did not know how to cope with the grief and guilt I felt for having harmed my body, so I used drugs. Eventually I got clean, and learned to meditate. It was such a relief to stop fighting myself and fighting reality.
Over the past decade I have been fortunate enough to be able to pursue a variety of interests, and not to be constantly preoccupied with my body and what other people think about me every single day.
I am now mother to a 10 month old son, and very grateful that I did not lose my fertility, although not being able to breastfeed him has been difficult. I have chronic health problems which are probably related to my transition, and I also worry about the potential, completely unstudied, effects that my having taken testosterone and gone through menopause could have on my son’s health.
I don't see myself as a victim, and I want to take accountability for my mistakes. Part of that means speaking out against this harmful ideology, which I helped popularize and gain acceptance for, which now is resulting in growing numbers of children being sterilized, losing the ability to ever have children of their own.
Laura also has a YouTube channel where she talks more about her detransition experience. You can find it here.
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