It is often said that sexual orientation and gender identity are two distinctive things. The story we're sharing with you today shows that it is often more complex than that. We'd like to thank the author of this text for opening up to us!
When I was 14, I stumbled across the idea of being trans. I really related to what the trans men described and I felt a deep connection to masculinity. Just before turning 15, I was out as a trans guy and wore a binder and cut my hair and I felt so much better.
I always say that the day I cut my hair was the first day I felt beautiful. I cannot stress how happy I was.
I became heavily invested in the trans community and I advocated for trans rights every chance I got. Something always felt off, but I attributed it to not being on testosterone because I had and still have debilitating dysphoria.
I was a trans man untIl the beginning of this year, when I turned 18. I found radical feminist blogs and realized I could love myself and my body as a gender nonconforming woman.
Towards the end of being a trans man, I realized I only loved women. But I identified so heavily with the gay identity that I decided if I were to be a man, I would be bisexual. This was largely because of the power imbalance between men and women and my knowledge that I am homosexual.
I learned that being transgender stemmed from hating the way I was perceived in society and being so deeply immersed in the lgbt community that I thought the only way to be a masculIne lesbian was to be a trans man.
Being transgender drove a huge rift between me and my family. my mother cried because she was so scared for me. The day I told them I am not trans, my sister gave me the biggest hug I‘d had from her in years.
I am a butch lesbian and I have never felt happier or more empowered. I realized, through time and suffering, that I can be a woman only for women. I don‘t have to shave. I can have short hair. I can have dysphoria. I am still a woman. I am still beautiful.