Content warning: Suicide
I’m a 22 year old gender non conforming woman, who formally identified as a gay trans man. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, autism, and ptsd* for many years.
When I was trans I felt as if being a gay man would be the answer to some of my problems, like self hate, not relating to femininity, and general unhappiness. I thought gay masculinity felt safer and more respectable than being a woman who had no use for gender norms.
I injected testosterone and had a mastectomy, it was approved by my doctors even though I was suicidal at the time. But transition didn’t make me feel any better.
Only through DBT** did I start to accept and love myself as a woman and female. To me detransition means forgiving yourself for your flaws, and accepting your body and mind for what they are instead of trying to put on a mask of gender identity.
To me detransition is becoming mentally well and not being held down by gendered expectations given by society or by yourself. To me detransition means becoming whole by loving every part of yourself, and not trying to change things that you irrationally perceive as not good enough.
*Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
**Dialectical behavioral therapy
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