Hi, I'm Ellie, and here is what detransition means to me. It felt important to share this because there are a lot of misconceptions about what detransitioning actually is like. There are so many ways to experience it, and I hope to see more of this diversity in the future.
The main reason why I started to physically transition was the strong disgust and disconnection I felt towards my body. Testosterone treatment seemed like the only solution to make it better.
I never understood why I started to suddenly hate my body so much. I thought it was simply because I was trans and that this dysphoria would go away with HRT. And it did. The price for it was to live socially as a man and to give up on my lesbian identity.
So I lied to therapists, I lied to doctors, to my family and friends in order to have access to what looked like the only solution for me. I eventually started to lie to myself.
Detransitioning for me means to stop denying the female experience I have.
Detransitioning for me means taking agency over my dysphoria.
Detransitioning for me means discovering the body I started altering since the age of 16 and finally working on accepting it exactly the way it is.
Detransitioning for me does not mean trying to go back to my insecure 16-year-old self, but to move forward and become the strong female individual I want to be.